site rules
1. No whining. Really. No whining. That’s just childish.
(Actually, that’s just what the first rule in pretty much every public place is- I always see that sign up behind the counter that says “No Whining.” I figure it must be a good rule, right? It seems to be adopted by everyone as a standard. I’ll go with it.)
2. I make the rules. Not only do I make the rules, I constantly make the rules. That means if something happens on this blog that annoys or pleases me, I’m probably going to make a rule about it. So you should check back here often to see if a new rule has popped up. After all, you wouldn’t want to break any rules, would you?
3. Just so we’re clear, Rule #3 is that I can make any rule, any time.
4. I can also cancel any rule, any time.
5. I can also modify any rule, any time.
6. If you’re going to read this, you should understand that I have a bit of a godlike complex when it comes to rule-making. It comes from not having any children of my own and never having to make a concrete and productive list of rules. I’m sure when I produce my own offspring this list of rules will turn into a color-coded chart with rewards and consequences and virtual gold stickers to put next to your name when you do a good job. Until then, I am free to create any old frivolous rule I want to. So I will.
7. In the spirit of frivolous rules, you may not wear any item of clothing bearing polka dots while reading this blog.
8. If you break any rules (such as #7) it’s likely the only person who will know about your indiscretion is yourself. Therefore, you will have to live with the consequences of breaking a site rule all by your little lonesome. That polka-dot incident will haunt you to your grave; you know it will. Now, you wouldn’t want to break any rules, would you?
9. Some rules for people who may know me:
a. Were you invited? If not, you might be sorry. (See the disclaimer.)
b. Don’t take anything negative you may read personally. I realize it’s human nature to try to relate to what you see in print. Resist. Chances are the rant you are reading is completely unrelated to you in any way, shape, or form. Unless you see your name at the top of the page, it’s probably directed towards somebody else. So think of it as an exercise in willpower: realize this blog is not about you. Get over yourself.
c. Feel free to take anything positive you may read personally. I realize it’s human nature to try to relate to what you see in print. Go ahead. Chances are the rave you are reading is totally about you in every way, shape, and form. Especially if you see your name at the top of the page- it’s probably directed towards you. So think of it as an exercise in you-esteem building: realize that post was about you. Congratulate yourself.
d. That story you just read where you were totally there right along with me and remember it like yesterday? Yes. I probably exaggerated a little. That’s kind of the point.
10. Perhaps the most important rule of all:
(well, duh)
An Important Disclaimer
This blog is a work of creative nonfiction. The characters, incidents, and dialogue are drawn from the author’s memories and may be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely intentional. Resonance with any of these characters, incidents, or dialogue may prompt the reader to question the value in continuing to subscribe to this blog, as continued accidental glimpses of oneself within the musings of a snarkaholic may cause significant bruising to the ego. This blog is intended only for invited readers, readers who have no known association with the author, or who have a thick enough skin to discover said author’s true feelings about him or her. If you are not the intended reader of this blog you are hereby notified that objecting, criticizing, grumbling, gossiping, or taking any offense on the contents of this blog is strictly prohibited.
Read at your own risk.
just one little girl…
anything but plain 